Can Couples Really Fall In Love???

In honor of Valentine's Day, I'd like to render the following thoughts...

Valentine’s Day is probably one of the most provocative days in existence. So many people, especially women have high expectations of what the day will bring or signify. I know couples who absolutely love the entire Valentine’s Day experience. They go all out with the flowers, candy, gifts, clothes and a romantic dinner...the works.

I also know the seasoned, married couple who exchange cards and a peck on the cheek. Simple, but it works. I remember being the single girl who spent the night with Ben and Jerry, watching sappy love stories on Lifetime. And yes, I’m married to the guy who’s been known to “forget” to buy me anything, despite all the displays in the stores. (How do you miss all that?)

Anywho...Whatever the experience, Valentine’s Day evokes thoughts of love whether it be the hope for a marriage proposal or a cringe because you’re spending it alone...again.

But what about this idea that getting hit in the behind with one of cupid’s arrow will make one instantly fall in love? Is that even possible? Especially with a stranger you don’t know? Is love at first sight a reality or a fantasy?

I think about this a lot since I write novels about love and romance and all the sweetness and tingling feelings that come along with the process. But I confess, when someone tells me they met someone and just fell in love, I wonder if it’s the true, life-changing, heartfelt love that will last a lifetime? And if it is, how do they know it is.

The more I pondered these questions I’ve come to this conclusion. I do not believe people fall in love.

Now I realize that is a controversial statement especially for someone who’s trying to make a living writing books about purity, faith and love. And although I am a hopeless romantic who loves sweet cards, pink roses and heart-shaped boxes of chocolate, I don’t believe in the myth that people just haphazardly fall into love. It’s just not that simple. I believe it’s so much deeper than that.

I admit I don’t know where this idea of falling in love originally came from, but the term itself doesn’t really make a whole lot of sense to me. Just think about it...falling is what happens when you’re not paying attention to where you’re going. Falling happens when you least expect it and it often leads to a painful injury. Seriously! When is the last time you tripped over the curb and fell on your knee or tried to get out of the bathtub and ended up sprawled on the cold floor...naked?! That is not a good picture in my mind?

But if you think about the term falling in love, doesn’t it seem to have the connotation that you’ll end up getting hurt?

But that's exactly what happens when get into a relationship too deep, too fast with someone you don’t know And let’s face it, that’s exactly how it goes these days. Guy meets girl. Sparks fly. Numbers are exchanged. Spend some time together – skinnin’ and grinnin’ and doing God knows what. Next thing you know... Ohhh...I’m falling in love.


For love to be true and satisfying, heartfelt and life-changing - a love that will last an eternity and keep you from cheating – you truly have to know the object of your affection. And I don’t mean in the Biblical sense. It has to be more than just sex and more than just a couple of dates.

I believe you have to grow into love rather fall into something like you’ve accidently made a misstep.

True love is not something you can experience on a superficial level. You have to grow to love an individual by getting to know them over time. Love involves building trust and strengthening that initial connection that brought you together in the first place. A solid love that will stand the test of time is rooted in an ability to agree on important issues and not get hung up on things that won’t matter in the long run. It’s grounded in mutual respect and concern for the other’s well-being. True love cares and is there through the good times and the bad times – the operative word here being time.

It takes time to grow into love. Anybody can put on a good front for the first few months you’re together. But what will the person look like over time? I believe time as well as consistent behavior will reveal a person’s true nature. And while you may be strongly attracted to a person and want to spend every waking moment in their presence, time will either draw you closer - because the more you see the more you like or the cracks in their façade will begin to appear.

And as Maya Angelou says, “When a person shows you who they are, believe them.”

But I believe we need to take the time let a person reveal their true authentic self. Even if the knight in shining armor comes riding up to sweep you off your feet, I suggest you get a look at what’s underneath all that metal. Then if you like what you see, take the time and let love grow before you slip up and fall so far you’ll have trouble getting up.

Just my thoughts for Valentine’s Day~


Melissa Ewell Miller


Popular Posts