Is He The Right Man For Me? TIME Will Tell...

How Do I Know If He’s Right For Me?

So you’ve met a guy. He looks nice, talks nice, smells nice and he seems nice. After the first few encounters there are no glaring red flags or hideous habits that sent you running for your life. If you allow your imagination to explore the possibilities, you find yourself wondering where this relationship is headed and you ask the questions...

Could he be the one?

Would we really be happy together...forever?

How do I know if he’s really right for me?

I can’t answer the first two questions, but I believe I can shed a little light on the last one. How do you really know if a guy is right for you? This is an extremely important question if you’re a woman of purpose who desires to live a life that’s pleasing to God. While you do need to hear from God before entering into a serious relationship, there are some practical things you can do to help you make a wise choice when it comes to dating.

This is key because you should view every man you’re interested in as a potential husband. This does not that you’re ready to drag him to the altar by the collar on your first date. However, you should approach every relationship asking yourself, if this man meets your basic requirements for marriage material before you get in too deep. If you do this, you’ll be able to see, right off the bat if he doesn’t have the right character or the right mindset you’re looking for. If you see this early on, then you won’t waste your time with him or get emotionally involved.

I know this may sound a little unusual, but causal dating without a purpose may not be the best course of action to take, especially with so many unwanted pregnancies, cases of STD’s and the incidents of date rapes on the rise. Aside from those dating pitfalls, jumping from one man to the next, in and out of relationships can lead to a lot of temptation and much heartbreak, which is not God’s best for you. The reality is God holds the blueprint for your life, and He knows everything you want and need. Therefore you should definitely consult Him about your life before you give your heart or your body to someone who doesn’t recognize or appreciate how special you are.

Having said that, perhaps you have found a man who appears to have the basic qualities you want and he’s passed your initial acceptability and compatibility tests. But when you’re looking at the person on a deeper level, considering a boyfriend as a potential a life partner, how do you know he really is a good choice?

The short and long answer can be found in one word: TIME.

Whenever someone comes into your life and the two of you begin to experience a romantic attraction, of course you’ll want to spend time together. However, you shouldn’t only spend time together because their fun to be around and they pay for your dinner. This time can be used to get to know each other better. With most relationships, the guy usually looks good in the beginning, but it takes time to really know a person and see what’s truly in their heart. There may be issues in their life that you can’t see in this phase of the relationship, because he’s trying to impress you.

Therefore, it’s vital take time to develop a friendship and test the strength of that friendship, over time, before things move too fast. Taking the time to truly know a person will give you the chance to see how he handles different situations. You’ll want to know this because the people who come into your life can either help or hinder you as you move toward your destiny and a man who can’t support you as you pursue your dreams may not be the one you need. Even though this person may fit well into your life, you need to stay focused on your own life and continue doing what you’re called to do so that if the relationship does not work out, you haven’t lost ground in your own life.

Time can be viewed in various ways when it comes to relationships. In some relationship, two people meet at a point in their lives when they are equally prepared for marriage. In those cases everything clicks and falls into place and it doesn’t take long to see that God has brought the couple together at the perfect time in their lives. These cases do not happen for everyone, but when they do, it’s beautiful to behold the handiwork of God.

Yet, for those who have to take a longer journey and wait things out, time again becomes a huge factor in determining if this person is the right person for you. As you take the time to get better acquainted with your guy, you can use the following acronym to help you see the real person.

T – Testimony

I – Intentions

M – Mannerisms

E – Events

Now let's break this down...

T – Testimony

Testimony involves your man’s faith walk and his commitment to God. You can begin by finding out if your man has a personal relationship with the Lord. If so, when did he get saved? What was his salvation experience like? Does he regularly attend church and fellowship with other believers? What are his friends like? Do they support or hinder his faith? Does he pray with you and for you or does he try to get you to bend the rules of your faith? Is he willing to learn and grow spiritually or does he run from his problems? Does he talk the talk or can he actually walk the walk? Is his faith evident through answered prayer, statements of faith and change being manifested in his life?

I – Intentions

Intentions speak to his vision for his life, his purpose and his future. Does he have a vision for his life? Does he understand that he has a God-given purpose? Is he aware of what that purpose involves? If he doesn’t have a specific plan for his life, is he actively and prayerfully seeking God to reveal this to him? Does he have a career or a career plan that makes sense and is achievable? Is he educated or seeking an education? Is he employed or does he have a viable and legal means to support himself? Does he understand the concept of leaving his parents and cleaving to a wife? Does he have clear intentions for you in his life? Does he see you as a significant part of his future and can he clearly communicate that to you? If he can’t see you as a part of his future, can he explain the reason he wants to continue the relationship?

M – Mannerisms

Mannerisms relate to his behavior. Habits, preferences and actions over time will tell you a lot about a person. This is vitally important because past behavior can be an indicator of future behavior. For instance, if he has a tendency to lie or he fails to keep his word it’s not likely that this will change without some kind of serious counseling. Therefore to know what this man is really like beneath the surface, you have to ask yourself these questions.

What are the first words that come to mind when someone asks you what he’s like? Are they overwhelmingly positive or negative? Is he kind, considerate, respectful, trustworthy? Or does he make excuses for not following through on agreements? Do his words line up with his actions or does he say one thing, then do another? Is he dependable or is he often not where he’s supposed to be at a specific time? Do his explanations for lateness or absences seem reasonable and does he leave you feeling suspicious? Is he rude and disagreeable or does he seek to resolve differences in a respectful way? Is he temperamental or argumentative or do his words speak peace and bring healing? Is he controlling or impatient or does he encourage you to be your best? Can he celebrate your gifts and your achievements? Is he someone that you’re proud to have by your side or are you afraid he’ll embarrass you around your friends and family? Are his ways pleasing to God? How does he make you feel as a woman? Does he listen to you and really hear what you have to say? Has he proven himself to be a true friend?

E – Events

Events concern the way he acknowledges those individuals and those things that are important to him. Understanding this area of a man’s life is imperative because whatever he makes time for identify the priorities in his life. Wherever he invests his time and money are the things that mean something to him. These kinds of choices, over time, will show you what’s really in a person’s heart and they show you the kind of person you’re dealing with.

For instance, if the man comes into your relationship with a child, but if he doesn’t financially support his child or make time for his child, that’s a huge red flag. Establishing a legacy for future generations and fostering strong relationships help to build strong families. Spending quality time together and celebrating life events are all apart this building process. Births, serious illnesses, family celebrations, graduations, significant birthdays and regular displays of love and appreciation are things that mean so much and show people that they are cared for. Unless there are unforeseen or unavoidable circumstances, a quality man with a good heart would rather step on his own tongue than miss an event that’s truly meaningful to a loved one.

So again, you must examine this area of your relationship. Does your man show up or acknowledge important events? Does he take the time to commemorate significant dates and anniversaries in your relationship? Does he do things that are special to you, just because it makes you happy? Is he willing to engage in a variety of activities or does he only want to do what interests him? How does your man spend his free time or what does he do with his extra money? Is it spent on hobbies that only he enjoys or does he invest in things for the pleasure of others as well as his own? How are his relationships with the other significant people in his life? Is he doing all he can to enhance strong relationships and heal broken ones or does he have a string of hurting people trailing behind him?

Do you wonder if you’ll be the next one in that line or does this man truly possess the positive qualities that will bless your life and bring you joy, peace and contentment?

Only you know the answer to these questions and if you don’t know for sure, then it’s time to make a heartfelt honest assessment of your relationship. If you do this and you find that some things fall below your expectations, then you need to consider if change and growth is possible. If it is, then take your concerns to the Father and pray for his wisdom and timing to address the issues with your man.

However, if you realize that your time would best be served going in another direction, then pray about if you should end the relationship. If you see that the relationship has run its course, be mindful to treat the other person with the same kindness and decency that you’d want to receive if the roles were reversed. That way you can walk away with a clean heart, a clear conscience and an experience you can file in your box of life lessons learned.

If by chance you find that the man in your life possesses everything you want, need and hoped for, then I rejoice with you. I pray for God’s wisdom and guidance to carry forward as you seek to do fulfill His purpose for your life.

As always, if you find your relationship has led to so far away from the plan of God that you need help getting back on course, visit the ManFast website for information on the process.

Please know that I am always available if you have specific questions. I don’t claim to have all the answers, but I do know the One who does and I’m always willing to pray.

Be blessed!



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