"I Know I Shouldn't Sleep With Him... But He's My Baby's Daddy!"
As a single mother, it may be a real struggle to get free and stay free of a sexual entanglement with a man you once loved, but still have to deal with because you have a child(ren) in common. You know there's no possibility of a future relationship with this man, but for whatever reason, you keep finding yourself crawling out of that man's bed!
Even as you're searching for your underwear, you're asking yourself,
"Why do I keep falling into this same bed of sin, over and over again???"
Granted, it's easy to desire the sweet waters of a well that have quenched your thirst in the past. And even though the relationship was toxic, an "Ex" who knows how to satisfy you sexually, can be an easy hit when you need a quick sexual fix.
But if you left the relationship because it wasn't meeting your needs and you know it wasn't pleasing to God, then you really must draw a line in the sand and keep your involvement out of the realm of the bedroom! It's understandable that you want your child's father to be a part of their life. Just because the relationship didn't work out, doesn't mean your child has to suffer without the parent they need.
So what do you do???
First things first: Settle in your own heart and mind that you're going to obey God's word and live a lifestyle of holiness! You can't very well blame your baby's daddy if he's coming over to put the baby down to sleep, but you end up inviting him to spend the night in your bed! And if he's forcing the issue against your wishes, then you need to take a stand and let your "NO" clearly mean "NO" and show him to the front door!
Either way, you may not be able to completely keep him out of your life, but you definitely have the final say on who comes in your bedroom and who you allow to climb between your sheets!
Secondly, you must redefine your relationship with this man. At one time, he may have been husband, boyfriend, lover, booty-buddy or one-night stand. But now, he's your "Co-Parent" and that's it!
Meaning, the focus of your relationship has shifted from being intimate to the issues that concern your child. It's not about getting your needs met any longer. It's about what your child needs and how you can both get your child's needs met. Anything more than that becomes a lure that could draw you back into the trap of sexual sin. And that's what you're trying to avoid.
If you depended on your 'ex' for emotional support, then ask God to help you depend more in Him.
If you call on your "ex" out of loneliness, then find some activities that will help you satisfy your need for companionship in healthy ways.
If you're using your child as an excuse to hold onto the man, then accept that the relationship is over and he's moved on. Let him love his child without having to play sex games with you!
If you're only using each other for sex, because "we got needs" then accept that this phantom relationship is really just a glorified booty call! This kind of hook up is so far beneath what God wants for you, that's its really a waste of your time and energy! If you submit your life to God and trust Him to lead you, He can bring something that so much better and so much more fulfilling!
If you're sleeping with him for money, then you just need to grow up! As a grown woman, you should have your own source of income, to support yourself and not solely depend on his child support for all the needs of your household. If you didn't have that child, you'd still have to eat and keep a roof over your own head. So this man's support should really only cover the things your child needs!
Keep it straight... Grown folks need to take care of themselves!
Once you have it clear that the two of you are "Co-Parents" and that you're relationship only involves the raising of your child, then you need to establish some boundaries to keep yourself from sinking back into that bed of sin. If your only goal is to be the parents of the child you both love and cherish, then keep the conversations and your interactions squarely focused on the child!
~ No Sex! Not even one last go round for old time's sake! No holiday, birthday, anniversary or special occasion sex! Celibacy means No Sex - 24/7!
~ No late night phone calls or hanging out alone after the child has gone to bed.
~ No trading sex for favors. If he's going to support the child, it should not require that you give him sex in return for money. And no holding the child hostage until he gives you a little sumpin' sumpin'. (Don't play like you don't know what I'm talking about! It's called sexual manipulation and women have been doing it since Solomon got tricked by Delilah. Check out Judges Chapters 13-16 if you don't believe me!)
~ No shared living arrangements. Each parent should have their own separate home. Again, grown folks need to take care of themselves, so don't give into the temptation to take care of a grown person for the sake of the child! Your job is to parent... i.e. take care of, support and provide for the child only!
~ No sharing hotel rooms if you travel together, not even for the sake of the child. If you can't afford to pay your own way, then stay home.
If you've established these boundaries and you still find the sexual desire too overwhelming to resist him, then do whatever it takes to limit your face-to-face interaction. Have him pick up/drop off the child at the front door so he doesn't have to come inside, or him meet at a public location to keep everything out in the open.
Or if he's so fine, that every time you see him and your legs automatically feel like they want to spread, then have a relative or friend do the pick up/drop off, while you get into prayer or take a ManFast Class. That way you're not tempting yourself and you're learning to grow in strength and spiritual maturity.
Here's the bottom line... If you want to be free of sexual sin, then you can't use your child or their father as an excuse to satisfy your sexual and emotional dependency on a man.
If you want to be free, God can set you free. And God can keep you free, but you gotta want to be kept!
If you need help in the area, ManFast is here for you! Inbox us on Facebook, email us at ManFast@ManFast.net or visit www.ManFast.net for info on our classes!
It's time to draw the line on sexual sin!