When It Comes to Real Love, Potential Is Not Nearly Enough!
I just read a blog post by relationship coach, Paul Brunson, and that brother got the wheels in my head turning! But of course, I've got to put a spiritual spin on his thoughts!
(Here's the link if you'd like to take a read: http://paulcbrunson.com/2013/06/falling-in-love-with-potential-is-a-mistake/)
I completely agree with Paul when he says, "Falling in love with someone's potential is a mistake!"
He's absolutely correct!
If you get involved with a person based on their potential alone, you're not in a relationship! You're involved in a science project, (his words), with a grown person, who hasn't learned to take responsibility for their own personal growth and spiritual development!
They haven't realized their full potential because that's what happens when a person hasn't tapped into all that the Father has encoded on their spiritual DNA! Without God's guidance, they won't be clear about their God-given identity and they won't know how to carry out their life purpose! So they'll continue to live far beneath the place God has ordained them to walk!
It's essential that you understand this and here's why!
No matter how you feel in your emotions, you haven't fallen in love with a person who's capable of being equally yoked with you. You've actually attached yourself to an immature adult, with an immature mindset, who's living in a physically mature body! That is so not enough!!!
You haven’t fallen in love with the man or woman of your dreams. You've fallen in love with a "dream" person who doesn't exist in the real world. Neither does the fantasy relationship you hope and pray will develop based on this person's potential.
You haven't fallen in love with a real, mature person. You're in love with the “idea” of what that man or woman could become, if they follow your instructions and do exactly what you want them to do, so they can become the person you want them to be!
But what if they're happy with the way things are? What if they don't mind living hand to mouth and paycheck to paycheck? What if they really don't care about church or prayer or honoring God in their lifestyle? What if they're not trying to be faithful or trying to walk in integrity?
What if they're not motivated to change because you've given them everything they want and it came with no effort on their part???
Yes, you can hope and pray... push, prod and pull, but if that person doesn't see the need to change or they're not willing to make the effort to change, then you're wasting your time and you're setting yourself up for a huge disappointment!
When you base your expectations on potential and not reality, then they person can't help but fail!
When they don't see themselves they way you envision them, operating at their full potential, there's no way they can live up to your expectations!
When you accept a person into your life and treat them as your equal, when they're really not, you're actually reinforcing they're negative mindset and creating an environment where they cannot succeed!
Your words may say, "I need you to do better."
But your actions are saying, "It's okay if you stay that same. I'll still give you all the privileges of being my mate, without requiring any change on your part!"
By agreeing to allow them in your inner circle, you're lowering your standards to accommodate their shortcomings, to your disadvantage and to theirs. You're allowing them to give you less that what you need and your choices are showing them that you're alright with that, even when you're not! And that's not fair to you or to them.
Here's the reality: In order for them to change, they have to want to change! And they can change if they're willing to do the work! So many others have done just that and they can too! They have the same access to God, to the education system, to the library, the Internet, the church altar and all 66 books of the Bible, just like anyone else!
That means, if they really wanted to be better, if they really wanted to live a different lifestyle and they were really committed to growing to a higher level, then they would've figured out how to do that by now! If they were serious about changing their life, they would've developed their own life-improvement plan, before they got involved in a serious relationship!
A person of true integrity understands that they must bring something of substance to the table if they want to enjoy the benefits of a healthy mature relationship! They understand that relationships are about giving, more than taking, in order to make the relationship work. Therefore, they understand, that if they don't have anything to offer, then they don't need to be in a serious relationship. A mature person of integrity is not satisfied being taken care of or being carried by someone else and they'll never be comfortable being someone else's project!
So instead of trying to be God in somebody else's life, the better thing to do is to release them into God's hands and let Him work in their lives. And you need to focus on your own issues and let God prepare you to become the best mate you can be! Once you're in that healthy place, then you'll have the faith to trust God to bring you exactly what you need in a mate!
If God can get you ready to be an awesome spouse, then He can do the same for the one He's chosen for you! You just need to stay in your lane, take care of your own business and let God handle the rest!