Six Governing Guides For Choosing The Right Mate

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When a man or woman of God is sensing that their time for love is drawing near, the biggest question that weighs on there heart is... 

"How Can I Be Sure That I Find The Right One?"

Yes, there are many checklists out there about how to find a mate, how to plan a wedding, how to plan for a stable financial life as a married couple. But how do you know what steps to take to make sure you make the right love connection? How will you recognize the right one when they appear before you?

The first thing to realize is that God has a plan for every part of your life, including how to know who and what you need. He's determined to make sure we make the right choice, so we don't miss His will or our divine purpose. In order to help with this most important life decision, God has given what I like to call, "Governing Guides" to steward us along in this process.

Here are Six Governing Guides you can apply to help you choose the right mate:

1. Make sure you're ready to be a good spouse. 

Wait! What? Yes, you read that correctly. Your own personal readiness for marriage is an important thing for you to know. If you're confident in your own ability to give and receive love in a healthy way, then that can help you make the right decision concerning relationships. However, if you don't have yourself together, then you may not be ready for marriage and that could be the reason your love connection hasn't shown up. if you're still carrying pain, bitterness and baggage from previous relationship trauma, you may walk into a new relationship and end up sabotaging a good thing. 

So it's key for you to be spiritually, emotionally, mentally and financially ready for the rigors of marriage, so you can handle all of the pressure and problems that can crop up as two individuals are pressed together to become one... To share the same life, the same space, the same money, the same bed, and not destroy one another. Trust... The struggle is real! If you need help with determining your readiness for love, check out our last blog post, "Why Hasn't Love Come For Me?"  

2. Make sure your timing is aligned with God's timing. 

Ezekiel 16:8 says, "Now when I passed by thee, and looked upon thee, behold, thy time was the time of love;"

According to this word, God is able to look upon our lives and determine if it's our time for love. If we're trusting God to bring His will and His plans to pass in our lives, then we need to be aware when God says you're ready for marriage and when He's working to bring love into your life. This is key to make sure you're not moving ahead of God or out sync with His timing. When you're not properly aligned with His timing, the chances of getting involved with a counterfeit is much higher. Just to be clear, a counterfeit is someone who looks right, sounds right, seems right, but doesn't come by God's invitation nor carry God's approval. 

3. Be willing to be lead by God and obey His directions concerning dating, courtship and marriage. 

If you're determined to have God's best for your life, you have to begin with deciding to trust God's ability to bring His best and to follow His leading to connect with His best. 

In the Message version of Jeremiah 29:11, God tells us, “I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” 

This means that God's plans are so much better than anything that we can come up with on our own. He knows everything about every thing, about every person and He knows what will work for us and what won't. He know who will best work with us and who will not. He knows our future and our destiny and what we need to achieve our divine purposes in Him. Therefore, we have to partner with Him, as our creator, to realize all that He's planned and purposed for us. We also have to be willing to undergo His processing and make whatever changes He asks us to make so we will be properly prepared and positioned to connect with the one He has for us. As the word says in Isaiah 1:19 - If you're willing and obedient, you will eat the good of the land. And that's the goal, right?

4. Make sure you can hear God's voice clearly and accuracy.

If you're going to follow God's lead to discover love and romance by His divine design, then you'll need to be able to hear, recognize and be confident in following His voice. That's why it's important to develop your personal intimate relationship with God, right now. This begins with connecting with strong ministry leaders who teach about how to connect with God in a real and genuine way. It involves praying and studying to learn the ways and attributes of the Holy Spirit, who is God's agent in the earth, who will speak, lead and guide you in your daily walk. It helps to read books and watch teachings about interacting with the Holy Spirit and spending time in prayer and worship to become comfortable seeking His presence and flowing in unity with Him. Once you become at ease with flowing with the Holy Spirit, the easier it will become to trust His leading. 

5. Make sure you have reasonable and achievable expectations for marriage. 

One of the greatest challenges to experiencing a satisfying and lasting marriage is setting realistic expectations. To avoid unnecessary disappointments, go into to prayer and ask God God to reveal your own life purpose and the prophetic destiny for your life and how marriage relationship fits into your purpose. Also ask about the purpose for the marriage, since marriage is related to purpose and not need alone. In coming to understand about the purpose for the marriage, ask God to set the expectations of what to expect from God, what you need to bring to the relationship yourself and what you should be able to expect from a spouse. 

This is really important because if you're not sure where you're going as an individual, you will struggle to agree with a spouse on the direction of the marriage. If you're not committed to a vision for your life, you may be unclear about the vision for the marriage and you'll be expecting one thing, when your spouse is expecting something totally different. And if you come into the marriage, not sure about what either of you is bringing or expecting to receive, you'll end up with a lot of stress, confusion and conflict. That's why it's crucial to know what you're getting into before you say, "I Do!"  

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This is where the concept of a marriage covenant comes into play. The covenant is simply an agreement that each of you draw up, design and commit to, that will govern what the marriage will represent and how you will relate to one another. This process of building your covenant is a great way to measure whether or not your expectations make sense and can be fulfilled by your spouse. I'll be writing a post at a later time to further explore the concept of building the marriage covenant. 

6. Let the Holy Spirit be your guide and your guard.

If you've decided to totally trust God's leading on who and when to marry, then you should also trust Him on how to respond to those who show up in your life asking to get to know you better. If you allow the Holy Spirit to set the boundaries for your life, you'll be able to avoid those who have no business being involved in your personal life. If you see God as your matchmaker, then you'll take the lead from Him and not open up your heart to just anyone. Make some agreements with Holy Spirit and ask Him to be your guide and your guard and before you entertain any invitations for dates, ask Him if you need to even connect with that person. If He says no, or you don't seem to have a peace about it, then politely decline. You really don't have an obligation to open up your life, home, emotions to anyone, just because they want in. Your life and times are in God's hands and He's the one your should trust to be the doorkeeper of your life. Amen?

I hope these governing guides will help you with your journey to love. I truly believe that God wants you to be successful in discovering love and romance as He's designed it for you. I pray that with your submission and surrender to His ways and His leading, you'll walk right into the plans and purposes His ordained for you. 

Peace and Blessings!

Ap. Mimi 


Unknown said…
This is vital information that I wish I saw last year. Praying God's mercy carried me and it's not too late. Have a blessed day and God bless you!

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